Not that I haven't talked to John for days at a time, with the weekends and vacations and all, but I just feel that this vacation and his time away this time is feeling a little different. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because I can feel relaxed because my Dominant is with me now and I don't have to worry if I need something? I don't know. It just feels different to me for some reason. I guess I don't feel as panicky??????? I feel mellow.
So, there are days when I don't get to see Oliver. Those days...........I don't handle them so well. I get very down and mad and cranky. I'll even take how I'm feeling out on others around me. It's not good. I need to get a handle on myself. Is anyone else like this? Am I totally and completely weird? I used to get this way with John too during the weekends or the days that he couldn't be available. Am I just to clingy? Should I just chillax somehow?
I'm still working on my mindset with the things Oliver has me doing and the things that he wants. I think I'm doing better. I slipped up a little today by not asking permission for something I was supposed to ask for, but it's been worked out.
Thing is with Oliver I can't really hide anything small that I mess up with. Like, for example, because I am also under financial control, if I spend anything he can see. He has access to my account. He can also track where my phone is so if I say I'm going somewhere and go somewhere else I'm in deep trouble. He has more freedom to do what he wants with me vs. how John was with me. He is able to control more, which is great. I like more control. John was able to control me because I'm too much of an honest person. If I messed up, the guilt would consume me and I would tell him and then be punished.
So, yes, of course there are differences between the two. I mean obviously right? Two different men, two different scenarios. One LDR and one local.
I've always wanted to be in a relationship as me under control of a Dominant. All my life I've been that way and when I knew what a submissive was and who I was I've been searching. John helped me tremendously in acquiring that.
Again, I will always support long distant relationships. It's also a great way to start a BDSM relationship for new comers. But be weary..............
So, there are days when I don't get to see Oliver. Those days...........I don't handle them so well. I get very down and mad and cranky. I'll even take how I'm feeling out on others around me. It's not good. I need to get a handle on myself. Is anyone else like this? Am I totally and completely weird? I used to get this way with John too during the weekends or the days that he couldn't be available. Am I just to clingy? Should I just chillax somehow?
I'm still working on my mindset with the things Oliver has me doing and the things that he wants. I think I'm doing better. I slipped up a little today by not asking permission for something I was supposed to ask for, but it's been worked out.
Thing is with Oliver I can't really hide anything small that I mess up with. Like, for example, because I am also under financial control, if I spend anything he can see. He has access to my account. He can also track where my phone is so if I say I'm going somewhere and go somewhere else I'm in deep trouble. He has more freedom to do what he wants with me vs. how John was with me. He is able to control more, which is great. I like more control. John was able to control me because I'm too much of an honest person. If I messed up, the guilt would consume me and I would tell him and then be punished.
So, yes, of course there are differences between the two. I mean obviously right? Two different men, two different scenarios. One LDR and one local.
I've always wanted to be in a relationship as me under control of a Dominant. All my life I've been that way and when I knew what a submissive was and who I was I've been searching. John helped me tremendously in acquiring that.
Again, I will always support long distant relationships. It's also a great way to start a BDSM relationship for new comers. But be weary..............
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